March 7, 8, 9, 2006 * Journal
Tuesday - March 7, 2006 - It's hard to describe going to a
meeting of Compassionate Friends.Everyone there has lost a
child.  When other bereaved parents say to me,
"I can't imagine
how you feel"
(losing two children).  I know what they mean.  
They know how great their own pain is - so multiply that times two.
 It is unimaginable, isn't it...

I've been extremely impressed with how amazing Andrew and
Jarrett's friends have been through this three-year mark since the
accident and their deaths.  They understand it better than a lot of
adults do.

Without their AWESOME support, I know it would be much more
difficult.  They seem to intuitively know WHAT to do.  It seems as
though the students are the teachers.  see ya later, djb
Jarrett in his bright yellow Nike shirt
with his little buddy Hobbes, staring at
his scrambled eggs.  This picture really
cracks me up  - hey!  That's a pretty
good joke, Jarrett would like it, but he'd
say, "Oh, Mom."
Wednesday - March 8, 2006 - Three years ago, at this time,
we were at Andrew & Jarrett's funeral at Kaneland High
School.  We had it videotaped just in case we wanted to see it
again because it was hard to remember exactly what went on.

They told us where to go and when to be there and we were!  
The video only shows their closed caskets being wheeled into
the gym so there's no creepy factor involved except that
they're not alive, of course.

It was weird because in the back of my mind, I kept
thinking, "I should call the boys and tell them where I
am and when I'll be back." That went on for a while.  It's
hard to change your focus as a mom from worrying
about them every minute to now wondering where they
are every minute.  Huge shift in the brain that has gone
into shock.  

Watching the actual DVD is quite amazing because we don't
have to "remember" what happened.  Everything about it is
quite beautiful from the support of our families and the
community to the support of their friends and classmates -
the choir was awesome!

The kids who gave their funny remembrances is a treasure to
watch, and of course, Gary Augustine's wonderfully moving

I'm sure people who haven't walked two moons in my
moccasins might think it's morbid but that's the last time I saw
them, after the service they were buried.  We were able to
tuck them in before Bruce closed the caskets.

It's not something you'll ever forget - believe me when I say
that.  It's not something I want to forget either. bye, djb  
Bob, Andrew, Donna, Jarrett in July 1995 -- a
few weeks before I was diagnosed with
Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura
Andrew's head on Jarrett's shoulder - maybe 1993
Thursday - March 9, 2006 - I should start a new journal page today but it takes sooooo long.  I
just want to write a bit, pop in a picture and then go have some breakfast.  

Yesterday, I spent all day cleaning the house because the ladies were coming over last night to
continue the discussion about  the Andrew & Jarrett scholarship which will end this year when
Jarrett's class graduates.  We talked to Leslie at the cemetery.  She's writing the article, and Laura
came to take pictures with her most excellent cameras!  

They are the most delightful young ladies I've met in a long time.  Very personable - plus, they
laugh at my jokes!  Which obviously means that they are also quite intelligent!!!!  Of course, they
wanted to see the Loch Ness monster DVD.  It cracks me up every time.  I only wish I could erase
my performance.  I look and sound SO goofy.  It's pitiful.

I'm putting the scholarship info on here sometime soon - I have to rearrange the page because it
was on the old website.  My job today is to get the scholarship application on here, so that all an
applicant has to do is to fill it out and email it back to me.  Better get to work.  talk to you later, djb   
Jarrett - Mr. Cool
EDITORIAL NOTE 5 years later (March 7, 2011):  The bold
statement below ("I can't imagine how you feel")  is what did me in
with the Compassionate Friends.  If they couldn't imagine how I felt,
who could?  Who could possibly understand my pain??  And it
wasn't said to me once or twice -- it was said numerous times over
numerous occasions by numerous individuals -- usually mothers.