CURRENT JOURNAL (begins the week of 3/7/04)

Saturday - March 13, 2004 - For some reason, I woke up very early this morning (4:15 a.m.).  I'm trying to consolidate my website because at first I didn't know what I was doing.  I still don't know what I'm doing, but I would like to organize it better.  HA!  That's funny.  Yesterday, I got an e-mail from Joe and he asked me why I didn't have a comment page - guestbook - like that.  Last night, I added one to the website.  Of course, Norton was on doing his thing, so it took a little longer but it was okay because it works!  I can only have 10 posts at a time.  I was going to review them all before they went on but basically I don't care what anyone says.  I'm not a censor.  Free speech, why not.  But don't say anything that's going to offend Granny.  Although after being around us 7 kids, I imagine she's heard it all before.  Plus, some of the young hipster phrases are pretty funny. 

This is one of my favorite pictures because it tells the story of a hungry cat and a child who knows how to pose!!!  You go, Jarrett!

I'll be back later.  Have to let Hobbes outside.  He's still stalking mice that live in the burn pile....which is going to be a compost pile pretty darn soon.  IF it ever warms up outside.  bye see ya later, djb

Friday - March 12, 2004 - This cold weather in Illinois reminds me of all those years that I took Andrew and Jarrett down to Florida to spend a month with Grandpa & Grandma Berg.  In these pictures, it looks like Jarrett was one, so Andrew was three.  Grandpa built them a sandbox in their back yard.  It was so much fun.  They had a ton of toys, shovels, etc. that the other grandkids had played with.  The only bad thing about going somewhere warm in the winter is that you have to come back to the COLD in Illinois!!!

       

Granny watching Andrew in the sandbox that Grandpa Berg made.  Grandpa trying to distract Jarrett with a shovel, but Jarrett must point at his mom.

It's time to start cleaning something.  I'm pretty sure I have work to do somewhere around here.  Remember, this coming Monday, BEWARE, THE IDES OF MARCH!  And, I'm not kidding.  see ya later, djb

Thursday - March 11, 2004 - It's afternoon....almost night.  I'm still having a sad day but not quite as sad as yesterday.  It's going to be VERY cold here tonight.  I guess March came in like a lamb and is now a polar bear!  very funny.  Here's some pictures I wanted to put in last week but I didn't have time.  These are the best guys ever!  Many thanks always to Charlie Wahl.  He's a very great guy!  It just proves that one person can make a difference.  I'll never forget what they all did for us and Andrew and Jarrett.  It was AWESOME!!

All the Best Guys in the World!

Sometimes you wonder if you just think hard enough, you'll get the answer to your question.  After I was so bummed out last night, just before I went to sleep, I heard on the radio, "It's 10:30, do you know where your children are?"  I had to think that was a cosmic joke from Andrew!  We always gave him such a hard time about his curfew.  I didn't laugh then but today I think it's kind of humorous.  Then, when I went to Home Depot.  I saw a license plate that said:  88 Dale Jarrett 88.  Of course, Jarrett would always say, "Why does Dale Jarrett have my first name for his last name?"  Plus, my Jarrett was born in 1988.  I said, "Okay, Jarrett, I get your message!"  And I had to laugh.  Laughter is the best medicine.  bye bye for now, djb

...night time (3/10) - I just figured something out this afternoon that's a real bummer.  We ran away to Kauai to get away from our grief.  But, it was waiting here for us like a big gigantic elephant when we got back!  I can't believe how sad and lonely I feel.  I just miss them so much and they're never coming home again and it just makes me so depressed and bummed out.  I hate to cry because after my cataract surgery my eyes get goofy and puffy when I cry, but I just can't help it.  I'm sorry I wasn't here last week because I really needed to hug someone and have them tell me that they miss Andrew and Jarrett as much as I do.  Sure, I was warm in the sun for a week, so what.  Now that's over.  Plus, I imagine Andrew and Jarrett in a similar paradise.  Where I am supposed to run to next?  It's just so sad.  I'm just so sad.  All those years I took such good care of dem little guys and now I don't even know exactly where they are.  Sure, they're with God, but where is God?  I'm sorry.  I'm not mad at God.  That would be like being mad at the boys for leaving.  I don't have anger, I have sad. When I look at this picture of them, I just imagine what the heck I said that made them laugh like that.  They look so happy.  Dear God, please send me some spare comfort because I don't have any right now.  Thanks, your little buddy, djb  P.S. I love You, too.

...later this same day - I'm back from my travels.  It's 1:11 pm.  Nice and sunny out, but it's still colder than Kauai!  duh.  I finally got some pictures of my first flowers of spring.  I mark that day on the calendar!  It reminds me that the cold and dark winter is over and the flowers have returned.  I'm sure there's some kind of psychological message in there somewhere.  I just like to see them.  Although it does look like some critters have been digging holes.  Have to send Hobbes out there to guard the flower beds!

I shrank the crocuses and put them on the page with the early miniature iris.

Wednesday - March 10, 2004 - Today is Jenni's 23rd birthday in heaven.  When you look at her pictures, you can tell she's an angel.  What a beautiful child who turned into a strikingly beautiful young woman.  God bless you, Jenni. 

On March 3, 2003, after the boys' accident, Bob and I went to the Coroner's Office to see for ourselves that Jarrett was gone (and he was).  As we were driven back to the hospital to see Andrew after his brain surgery, I mentioned to Bob that Linda Kelley had gone through the same thing we had and her daughter, Lindsay, made it.  We had hope at that point.  As we got off the elevator on the 2nd floor, Linda was the first person to come up to us, hug us, comfort us and tell us she knew exactly how we felt.  What a wonderfully selfless gesture.  A truly compassionate person.  An angel on earth.  God bless Linda. 

Tuesday - March 9, 2004 - While we were in Kauai, Bob and I would go downstairs very early to take a dip in one of the many swimming pools (boy! that sure wakes ya up!).  On our way down, we'd hear the roosters outside cock-a-doodling.... every day!!  They have chickens and roosters on the island that just run wild.  It's SO cool.  I have a picture somewhere of a mama chicken and her babies.  I'll have to look for that.  Until I do, here's the dad (I found mom and the chicks):

                                                                                                                           

Roy Rooster out in the rain, strutting his stuff.  Mrs. Roy Rooster is getting the babies under the building before they get too wet.

Before I got up this morning, I heard a critter of a different stripe making a very loud MEOWING noise - and who should that be but our little friend, Hobbes!!  He used to claw on the outside of our door every day (that was when he HAD claws).  Don't worry, Hobbes can defend himself because he learned how from that weasel, Sable.  Oh yeah, speaking of critters and the boys, here they are:

Hobbes and Sable exchanging tricks of the trade while Jarrett and Andrew innocently pose for a photo!

I really, really like that picture.  Well, it's time for me to get my skeedaddling shoes on.  Miles to walk before I sleep.  See ya later, djb

Monday - March 8, 2004 - This morning, jet lag kept me sleeping until 8:30.  Of course, in Kauai, that's 4:30, so I really got up early.  haha  This morning, I remembered that Bob and I had a picture taken at the Ocean House restaurant Thursday night (3/4) at sunset, so I'm going to put that in here because it was really the most beautiful restaurant view we'd seen in a long time, maybe ever.  Plus, the food was fabulous - Pacific rim, doncha know!

Bob and Donna in front of the Pacific Ocean in Kauai, I think the year was 2004.  (lol)

I don't think I like that white border around the picture, I may remove it later.  It looks like a postcard.  Okie dokie.  I have a lot to do today so I must be going now.  See ya later.  Aloha, djb

Sunday - March 7, 2004 - Bob and I got back from Kauai this morning at 5:25 a.m.  When we left Hawaii, there were half  as many degrees at O'Hare as there were in Hawaii (82 vs. 41).  The cultural shock was quite shocking.  We left a lush green island with happy friendly people and came back to COLD.  Bob told me the second day we were there that, "we've gone through hell to get to paradise."  How apropos.

His boss wanted us to go to Hawaii last year (the day after the funeral) but we had too much to do, so we thought it would be a good idea to go this year what with our wedding anniversary being on March 1st, Jarrett's death on March 3rd and Andrew's death on March 5th.  We didn't want to be here to relive that week.  Although, we're never away from the memories of the boys, they are always in our hearts.  We decided that if Andrew and Jarrett had gone to Kauai with us, Andrew would be having the time of his life playing golf on some of the most beautiful golf courses in the world and he'd probably try to hustle some older guys on the courses.  Of course, Jarrett would be out on the ocean all day long learning to surf and vowing that he couldn't leave until he caught the biggest and best wave ever! 

View from our table on the first morning that we had the breakfast buffet.  Pineapple...yum.

It's not easy to be back home after going to paradise, but I always tell myself that we have to bloom where we're planted, so maybe I'll get another fake palm tree (don't tell Bob).  Aloha, djb

Casa