CURRENT JOURNAL (AS OF 4/5/04)
...later on Easter Sunday - We had a very nice time at the Easter service at the high school. Gary and his congregation and cast of many did a wonderful job of presenting quite an upbeat message about Jesus. It was quite awesome. It really was. As soon as we walked in, we saw Shawn (Andrew's Shawn). Then, we saw Lindsay and Stephanie. There were lots of other people that we knew. As always, Gary did a superb job of getting his message across. If you look at the boys' stone page, you'll see the picture that I took after we got back from Ron and Liz's house. It tells the story of how the Easter lily got to the boys. I'm very tired. My eyes are tired. Here's a picture that I really like:
Must go eyes are very tired. See ya later. Hope you had a nice happy Easter. It's storming in Florida. bye see ya, djb
EASTER SUNDAY - April 11, 2004 - Just when you think that you're doing okay, something happens that completely and totally comes from nowhere and you realize that you're just going to have to go through the grief and confront it whether you want to or not! Yesterday, I went to Target with the purpose of getting Easter baskets for the little neighbor kids. It was SO MUCH FUN for me. Of course, it reminded me of all the years that I went to the store and got little toys and candy for Andrew and Jarrett. It was wonderful. I had a great time. I put the stuff in cute, little bags and then later on in the afternoon while I was pruning the raspberries, I saw the kids with their mom. I was so excited. I went right over and told her that I had Easter bags for the kids. She said to me, "Oh don't do that. They don't need any more stuff." I told her that I had already done it. She kind of went on and on about them getting stuff today and they didn't need it and I'm trying to explain that I just wanted to do something nice. Then, I came back to the raspberries and the tears started flowing down my cheeks. You know what happens when I cry: puffy eyes! But I couldn't stop crying because I realized that I wasn't doing the Easter bags for her kids, I was doing them for Andrew and Jarrett. I was trying to recapture the fun that I used to have when I'd go to the store and buy them the kind of candy and gum that they loved and some kind of goofy little toy. They'd ALWAYS ask me if I had gotten them Easter baskets. No matter what, I always did. So yesterday was a huge, gigantic grief lesson for me. You can't NOT do something because you think that it will be sad or difficult. More the reason to do it sooner rather than later. If you don't, it'll just come out in some other way, some other time and kick you right in the heart. As Jarrett used to say, "God bless mom, God bless dad, God bless Andrew and God bless God." Then, I'd say, "God bless Jarrett. I love you. Sleep tight." Hope you have a blessed and happy Easter Day. Here's a young me with my Easter dress and HAT (we had to wear hats in those days....loved the hats!).
Donna in 1957.
Bob and I are going out to Kaneland for the Easter service at 10:30, then up to see Uncle Ron and Aunt Liz and our new nephew, Duke the poodle. See ya later. Luv, djb
Saturday - April 10, 2004 - It's Holy Saturday. That means that EASTER is tomorrow. I'm looking forward to going to Kaneland High School for the Easter service tomorrow morning. I think it will be awesome. That's what I need - something AWESOME. I've always believed in God and I can understand how Jesus can be God's son because that was the only way God could get to earth without scaring the crap out of us. But I don't think it's exactly the way WE interpret it. I think there's way more to it than we can even imagine. I don't think our brains could take it all in. Maybe that's why some people are so judgmental and narrow in their religious beliefs because if they stopped to think about it for a minute, it might scare them too much. It seems to me that the people who are the most judgmental and mean-spirited are the ones with the least understanding of the love and grandeur and forgiveness of God. After all, God only gave us TEN commandments. I mean, you'd think people could follow those without too much trouble. NOT! The people who I feel the most comfortable around are the ones that I imagine are more like Jesus was when he was on earth than the people who run and around yelling about hell and damnation. It puzzles me and confuses me all the time. Especially after Andrew and Jarrett died. I mean WHERE are they? Some people say they're in hell because they weren't "saved." Isn't that hilarious? As soon as someone asks me if my children were SAVED, that means they are judging my children and I remember that Jesus told us NOT TO JUDGE ONE ANOTHER. Many others tell me the boys are right here and all that but I don't SEE them. Okay, doubting Thomas. I've never been one to believe what someone TELLS me to believe. I have to figure it out for myself. That's my God-given right, I think. Then when you get to the Bible, it's like, WHICH BIBLE are you talking about. Sometimes, it seems like everything is SO confusing on purpose. So that we will have to search. Why should I have someone else TELL ME what to believe. That doesn't make sense to me. But that's just me - that's the way God made me. I have to figure this out. I talk to God all the time. Every morning when I go out to get the newspapers, I look toward the east where the sun is coming up and I say, "God made this day, thank you, God." Sometimes I do say, "This is the day the Lord hath made, thanks be to God." And that sounds kind of stilted to me. Sounds like old English. Pardon me for going on and on. I realize I'm rambling. Let me look for a picture to put in here. I'm sure I have something!
Andrew and Jarrett smiling - I totally love this picture. I know there is a huge joke behind those smiles!
Okay, I'm out of here. I have to get myself organized. That's funny. Hasta la vista, djb
Friday - April 9, 2004 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AUNT DI BABY! Today is my little sister's birthday. Diane was born when I was 14 and half years plus one week and three days old. The only reason I know that for sure is that I always remember my HALF birthday. Here's a picture of me holding Diane when she was a little munchkin:
Donna holding Diane in front of the farm house in Rochelle in 1964.
You know you're getting older when your baby sister is turning 40! Wow! I remember when I was 40....sort of. haha Here's a picture of Diane with Andrew and Jarrett. I thought it was Jarrett's 2nd birthday, but I'm pretty sure that it was his first birthday and Andrew's third birthday because we were in Florida and we celebrated BOTH of the boys' birthdays.
Andrew, Aunt Diane holding Jarrett celebrating with CAKE!
Here's the picture of Diane that she sent the other day with her RED hair and new BLUE car. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DIANE. Congratulations on reaching FOUR DECADES! Talk to you all sooner. bye, djb
Diane's new blue car and new RED hair earlier this week.
...later on this same day (4/8) - It's afternoon. I scanned Grandma and Grandpa Berg's wedding picture and made it black and white so it'll look better against the black background. I'm trying to get all the photos assembled from the one year anniversary of Andrew and Jarrett's accident remembrance. I'm planning to put them on a separate page. Okie dokie, I have to vacuum the floor. My life is SO exciting! ha. see ya later, djb
George and Sadie Berg on their wedding day - February 1904
Thursday - April 8, 2004 - Today is Grandma Berg's 110th birthday. Well, let's say 110 years ago she was born. She's my dad's mother and Andrew & Jarrett's great-grandma, Sadie Ruth Vesta Berg. They would've loved Grandma Berg's chocolate chip cookies. Over the years, she spent a lot of time feeding the farmers that came to help my Grandpa Berg with his shelling of the corn and doing whatever else they did in the farming situation. They'd start working at sunup and then by 10 o'clock, she'd put on sort of a brunch (but the farmers would NEVER call it that!). I remember this coffee cake that she made. It was SO DELICIOUS. I asked her for the recipe and she said that she'd give it to me. After she died, my Aunt Gladys (my dad's twin sister) gave me Grandma's recipe box. When I opened it, the first recipe was the Coffee Cake recipe and in the upper right hand corner she had written: "For Donna." That just about knocked me over. I've never made it because the memory is enough for me. Maybe some day I'll tackle it! Okay, so here's Sadie when she was probably about 16:
Sadie Ruth Vesta - approximately 1910.
Don't you just love the dress and the gloves. It's just a sweet, precious moment in time. Happy Birthday to you, Grandma. Better get going. I have to run out and get the papers before they blown away. Supposed to be VERY windy today. See ya later, djb
...later this day (4/7) - I spent some time out in the yard this afternoon. The flowers are really enjoying the nice weather. The hyacinths are starting to come out. They're so aromatic. I just love them. Well, I love all the flowers!! I'm slowly getting all the beds uncovered. There's so many leaves out there. Hopefully this year, I'll have some irises blooming next to Andrew's white pine tree. I moved them two years ago and they weren't happy last year! If they bloom, I'll be doing cartwheels in the yard - for sure!! I also got some Japanese lanterns for the boys' garden out front to replace the Christmas candles. I guess it's time. They've been lit since Christmas. Isn't that amazing that those little tiny, teeny bulbs are still burning bright. I never unplug them. I have to take a picture of something to put in here, so I'll have to go outside and take a picture. See ya later.
I put three pictures into one! The BIG yellow daffodils looked so good, I decided to shrink the other guys and put them at the bottom.
Wednesday - April 7, 2004 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN TO BOB PAUL! I was going to put a Happy Birthday ad in the Rochelle paper but when I went on line the other day, I didn't see anywhere to order a Happy Birthday ad, so I'll do it here. Today is Bob's 83rd birthday in Heaven. I hope Andrew and Jarrett and Grandpa Burkholder are partying with him. I think one of Bob's friends who died before him was named Shorty. I'm pretty sure he and Shorty are hanging out together. It a beautiful day here today...a little cooler than yesterday but it is spring after all and we don't care if it's cool as long as it isn't ZERO. Here's a picture I found of Bob:
Bob Paul at Woodhaven a few years ago.
I now have a lot more pictures of the boys' stone that I got from Linda and Tigger, so I've decided to make a whole new page of the one year celebration of Andrew and Jarrett's lives. We're still quite overwhelmed and touched by what everyone did. It was awesome! Okie dokie, I'd better get busy here. See ya later. Bye, djb
Tuesday - April 6, 2004 - I found another picture from the set of pictures I took that are similar to the one I put in yesterday. So, I'm going to put that one in today. Why? Because I'm the boss. ha ha I have some really good black and whites that I took a few years ago that I'm going to scan and put in later but right now, I'm in a time crunch. How can that be? Oh, it be! Very nice day ahead. I spent four hours burning my twigs and stuff on the burn pile. It's turning into compost which is VERY exciting for a gardener such as myself. Also, I started pruning the raspberry bushes but that is long and tedious work and not for the squeamish. Once again, I must be going now. See ya later. Hope you have a wonderful, warm day. bye, djb
Jarrett looking more normal than yesterday's photo and Andrew looking as normal as yesterday's picture.
P.S. Don't you sometimes wonder HOW MANY pictures I have? I don't even know. There are a lot. And just when I think I have looked at them all once again, I find MORE! That's a hoot. And it's a good hoot, too. byeeeeeeeee
Monday - April 5, 2004 - It looks like it's going to be a gorgeous day today. When I got up, I looked outside and saw the almost full moon setting in the western sky. It was totally awesome. My first instinct was to reach for my camera, but I know that I'm never able to capture the ethereal beauty of the moon. La Luna. So, I just packed it away in my memory bank for future withdrawals. Now, I'm going to find a picture to pop in here and then I have to get my skeedaddling shoes on.
Jarrett doing a fake "cheese" smile and Andrew looking like Mr. Cool
See ya later. Must be going now. bye bye. hasta luego, djb